Your Very Own Jukebox - Advice Outside the Dancefloor
Dear DJ Lil’ E,
Can you really meet your soulmate at a club, or is it all about the hook up?
Lusting for Love in Lubbock
Dear LLL,
A soul mate, by general definition, is a “missing piece,” a “twin flame” — or even one’s “other half,” if you will. So I guess in order to answer that question for yourself, you have to look at the kinds of relationships that form in a club, and what happens once you’ve set your sights on a person who chooses to meet someone else that way.
As you may have gathered, when I talk about club culture and those who are regularly attracted to such culture, I’m not necessarily talking about the average Joe or Jane, here. Sure, you can meet that “average” person, who in this case we’ll consider an occasional clubgoer, without a lot of divergent lifestyle fluctuation. But, this person could be just as easily met and chatted up at a coffee shop, in the grocery store, or at a dinner party as they could at a club. You’ll find that, no matter the setting, the occasional clubgoer goes out a couple of times a month at the most, usually sports clothing that’s not too different from what they’d wear to the mall or out to lunch with friends — jeans or slacks, either comfy shoes or shoes that are uncomfortable enough that after 2 hours they’re ready to call it a day, maybe some kind of top that seems a little funkier than average, but still probably wouldn’t be inappropriate for daylight.
By comparison, for the most part someone involved in “clubbing” as a way of life is often not the same person by day as they are by night. Whether that difference can be codified by clothes (PVC and lots of buckles are a dead giveaway), behavior (flitting about, seeming to “know everyone”), or social groups (we are animals after all, and often travel in packs. . .), regular clubgoers are typically out 2-7 nights a week, sometimes at their usual haunts, sometimes following bands/DJs or other clubgoers to wherever the night takes them, and more often than not, no matter how uncomfortable the shoes, you will never see these people break a sweat — might be the calluses, might be the drugs — I’m just saying, these people are pros at their look and hanging out in their scene, and you will know them when you see them.
So, amid this mélange of non-clubgoers versus voracious clubgoers, can one find a soul mate in a club setting, or is it all about the hook up, you ask? Yes, I have seen love happen in a club setting, LLL — for example, the sweet couple who met at my monthly dance night, came there together every month since, and actually hired me to DJ their wedding as a result. BUT, that is merely one example — the exception, in my experience, and not the rule. From my DJ booth on high, I see many things — and fleeting hook ups are a huge part of the landscape. Think about it — you are in a setting with copious amounts of alcohol, music so loud you have to yell to be heard, and a good number of people portraying themselves in a very different light than they do during the other 18 hours of the day. In fact, I’ve met some people who I absolutely LOVE for the 30 seconds we scream in each others’ ears in a club setting but I cannot stand talking to in the light of day, and vice versa.
All of that said, here’s my thought — embrace the hook up when and if it happens in a club for what it is — good in the moment. Enjoy yourself; if you’re not into the person after your make out session, you can always slip away, give out the wrong number, whatever. BUT, if you think that you’ve met “the one,” make sure you take the opportunity to see and talk to that person soberly and in the light of day — however well they handle their uncomfortable shoes, you may just have a frog, when the night before you had a prince.
cheers,
e
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